*Sam, age 46 found himself on the brink of a crisis when his wife threatened to take his kids and leave him if he didn’t quit drinking. Frustrated and bored, selling second hand cars for a living but not really making one, he began looking within for answers.
“I was angry at life, at myself and yes I admit, I even considered buying a sports car to make me feel better and look successful, but I knew it was a joke.”
Instead, he decided to act drastically and prove a point.
“I started by doing research on how to go organic and changed my diet, quitting the booze. I also got into running and began growing vegetables in my garden and harvesting free range eggs. Soon people began to see me as a real health nut, which inspired me further. I’ve been vegan for over five years now and one of my side-businesses is selling kombucha.”
Not far off from Sam’s story …
After losing her husband due to a freak drowning incident, *Maria (age 48), found herself in a world she didn’t understand. Having been married for 17 years and helping her husband with admin work, thereafter going into retail to support her two sons – she felt as though she herself was drowning.
“I was in the pool one afternoon, trying to connect to reality, debating whether to go to gym, when my son turned to me and said – mom, I think you should teach yoga. Without thinking, I replied yes, I should – and at that moment my life changed.”
Beginning a journey of self-realisation, Maria went on to do a teacher training and quit her job to open her own yoga studio two years later and is further studying to become a life-coach.
These are two tales of turning the table on a midlife crisis, but what is it really all about?
Mid, mamil what?
According to a Clinical Psychology report, “a midlife crisis is described as a process of intensive transition and re-evaluation of life values and goals,” occurring typically between the ages of 35 – 55 years of age. This is often compounded with the “confrontation with death as a personal event in the future and planning of the second half of life.”
Margie Lachman, lead author on midlife crises studies, refers to midlife more positively as “a peak time in many areas, including earnings, position at work, leadership in the family, decision-making abilities, self-confidence, and contributions to the community”.
While a midlife crisis can take on many forms and may well impact health, well-being, and finances, it usually affects men and women differently.
For instance, women will often fixate on improving their physical appearance or worry about what they are going to do when their kids grow up and leave home.
Men, on the other hand, usually focus on a desire to prove their success, which could be expressed by buying an expensive car, having an affair (not that women don’t either), or suddenly becoming obsessed with fitness.
There is even a growing tribe known as “mamils” – referring to middle-aged-men-in-lycra, whom according to a Guardian report are said to “ride expensive racing bicycles for leisure and wear performance-enhancing body-hugging jerseys and shorts,” who don’t think their lives should stop just because they are middle-aged.
And good for them.
How to make the most of a midlife crisis
- Get out of your comfort zone Try a new activity, enroll on a course, or go on a retreat.
- Volunteer more Helping others can offer a new perspective on one’s own problems.
- Set new goals Make a list of everything you wish to accomplish in the next year, in the next five years, and in the next twenty years. Discuss them with your partner or a professional coach.
- Bring new energy into a marriage/ relationship Take steps towards making positive changes that can renew the spark you once had – consider planning a second honeymoon.
References:
Hubert. J. (1999) Midlife Crisis in Men: Affective Organization of Personal Meanings. Available at Sage Journals [online] https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/001872679905201103 (Accessed 27 March 2019)
Hughes. S. (2018) Fitter, faster and clad in lycra: the middle-aged men racing against stereotypes. Available at The Guardian [online] https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/mar/31/mamil-documentary-men-middle-age-cycling-lycra-health (Accessed 27 March 2019)
Lachman. M. (2015) Midlife as a Pivotal Period in the Life Course: Balancing Growth and Decline at the Crossroads of Youth and Old Age. Available at Pubmed [online] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4286887/ (Accessed 27 March 2019)