I remember the first time I came to the gym, it was a bit overwhelming. There were all these machines, all this equipment, and I had no idea where to start. It felt really daunting. Until somebody showed me that I was using the leg machine for my arms and that wasn’t appropriate, I realized I needed a personal trainer—someone who could take me through the machines and help me understand what was what and which machine worked which body part.
So now, as we understand our mental fitness, we realize that the brain needs to grow in different ways, and there are specific practices that can help develop the areas that serve us well. Just as it’s important to hire a personal trainer for physical fitness, it’s equally valuable to have a mental coach to guide us through these exercises. Yesterday’s homework explored keeping the mind in one place, and it was really tough, wasn’t it? The mind keeps moving, and we realize that we don’t have as much control over it as we think. And that’s okay—that’s what the mind does. We shouldn’t feel too disappointed.
But the question is, how does this relate to our mental health? Why is it important to try and keep the mind focused? No one ever really gets it perfect, so why should we even try? Well, it comes back to what we call the mechanics of mindfulness.
The mechanics of mindfulness involve recognizing that the mind wanders—it moves into the future or the past—and then gently encouraging it to return to the present moment. It’s like training a little puppy. We don’t yell at the puppy; we kindly call it back. The same applies to the mind. It wanders, we gently say, “Come back.” Then it goes off again, and we say, “Please come back.” We do this repeatedly. The more we practice, the better we become at staying focused.
You know that feeling when you’re reading a book, but your mind keeps wandering? You have to start the same page over and over because nothing is sinking in. That’s because the mind is busy, and it’s wandering. But as we keep bringing it back, we get better at staying present.
I’ve spoken to people who studied law or medicine, and they’ve told me that first year was really tough. But by the second or third year, they had almost a photographic memory—they could just look at the book, and everything flowed. That’s because what we practice grows stronger. And that’s the essence of the mechanics of mindfulness.
Rumination, on the other hand, is when our thoughts go around in circles—what I call the “washing machine mind.” We keep thinking about the same thing over and over. Maybe it’s a Sunday afternoon, and we’re already stressing about a Monday morning meeting. We just want to enjoy the weekend, but our mind won’t let us. Now, imagine if it’s a serious thought or issue—how it can keep pulling us down.
Every time we dwell on these thoughts, it affects our mood. It can put us into a state of depression, where we’re locked into a negative way of thinking. But if we’ve developed mental resilience, we can say, “No, I don’t want to think about that anymore. I’m coming back to the present moment. I am happy, I am safe, I am well.”
And that’s how mindfulness relates to mental health. What we practice grows stronger. If we keep ruminating, if we’re constantly distracted or multitasking, that’s the state our mind will default to. The key question is: what are we thinking about? And how can we manage our thoughts in a constructive way?
Mark Twain once said, “Most of the worst disasters in my life never actually happened.” Think about that—how often does the mind catastrophize about the worst possible scenarios? And yet, most of those fears never come true.
Leanne and I facilitate walks in Kruger Park, walking among wild animals. When you first do it, your mind conjures up terrifying images—being eaten alive, hyenas dragging you from your tent. But those fears never materialize. The truth is, it’s quite safe. Yet, on your first trip, your mind convinces you that you won’t survive the first day.
Overthinking can ruin a project. It can ruin a happy family environment. We focus on something sad, or something that isn’t even real—something we’ve made up in our minds.
It reminds me of a little poem that’s stuck in my head:
If you’re happy and you know it, overthink.
If you’re happy and you know it, overthink.
If you’re happy and you know it, give your brain a chance to blow it,
If you’re happy and you know it, overthink.
Yeah, funny, funny. But not so funny when you’re actually stuck in rumination.